by Helen Robertson

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released November 1, 2014




Helen Robertson UK

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Track Name: Stripy Dance
The most common kind of Zebra
is found on the plains of Africa
But I don’t concern myself with them
Leave them to david Attenborough

I’m talking ‘bout the rarer kind
The ones you find on rollerskates
They move around the derby track
And all the while officiate and

Do the stripy dance
Do the zebra dance
Do the stripy dance
Do the zebra dance

See derby’s got a lot of rules
There’s 60 pages for them to read
‘Bout how to score, and who to send off
And what stops a jammer being lead

These strange creatures don’t work alone
There’s 3 to 7 for each bout
If they see something going wrong
They’ll give a whistle and a shout and

Do the stripy dance
Do the zebra dance
Do the stripy dance
Do the zebra dance

High block, low block, blocking to the back
Elbows, forearms, cutting the track
Illegal re-entry from the penalty box
Blocking with the head, Multi-player block
Clockwise, stopped or out of bounds assist
Equipment violation and illegal positioning
False start, blocking while skating clockwise
Illegal engaging and stop to block, guys
Failure to return and failure to reform
Stalling, interference, insubordination
Skating out of bounds and blocking off the track
Gross misconduct, destruction of the pack
Delay of game and illegal procedure
If you don’t hear the whistle they probably didn’t see you
Referee points at you when you’re the leader jammer
And holds up five fingers when you get that grand slam, yeah
Track Name: Satellite
Her hair was kind of muddy brown
Her eyes were sort of grey
She was amazing
In every way I could conceive of
She probably shouldn't have
Even known I existed
But we bonded
Over new episodes of the Simpsons

And I asked her over
And she said, “Sure, alright”
‘Cause she only had 5 channels,
And I had satellite

I couldn’t believe it
When she turned up at my door
I’m fairly sure I stammered something awkward
While staring at the floor
And I offered her a glass of juice
And she asked me for a cup of tea
And though I didn’t like it
When I made one for her and one for me

And we both laughed when Bart got in a fight
She only had 5 channels
And I had satellite

When the episode was finished
I asked what we should do then
She looked a little confused
And said she had to go home
I was, to say the least, gutted
I wanted to be her best friend
But she only liked me
For my premium TV content

I still asked her
To come over the next night
‘Cause she only had 5 channels
And I had satellite